Going Back to Kindergarten

 This post is by Cindy Chen.

Being a beginner is a challenge. It’s hard to start something very new, and the older I get, the more intimidating it is. There’s a good deal of pride in me, as demonstrated by my habit of pretending I know what to do, how to do things, and that I’ve got things under control. So being at a kindergarten level is not comfortable to me. 

For several months I have been trying to learn a language, to keep up with my kids who go to a dual-immersion charter school. They are learning Mandarin, and we speak English at home. Two of my kids started there in kindergarten, and they’re in third and first grade now. They’re comfortable speaking, and I, well, am not. It is so humbling and awkward to practice words and phrases that still sound random to me. I balk at practicing with my 6-year-old, because she already knows more than I do. And being corrected by someone missing front teeth is teaching me more than just how to say my colors. 

When we’re beginners, it really helps to have some experts around. Someone who can teach us what we’re missing, and who can help us feel slightly less foolish. Thankfully, in the case of my Mandarin-learning process, I married a native speaker. I can fumble around him and he clarifies, explains, and helps me get it right. I can listen and practice. I don’t prefer to; it’s easier to just use my native English. We’re all more comfortable there. But growth doesn’t happen when we stay comfortable. 

Being a kindergartener is not easy, but that’s where we all start. I have to be comfortable in my discomfort, trying over and over until I get it. One of my kids is learning the piano. Another is teaching herself guitar, thanks to YouTube tutorials. My oldest just learned to drive. There are so many skills that those of us who are experienced now do automatically, but they took us years to perfect. 

Anything new can be awkward. Every skill has to be learned; sadly, we don’t get there by osmosis. We have to practice and learn everything new: the right form in a deadlift,, the right finger placement in a guitar chord, the right use of the clutch with a standard transmission. It takes practice, and if we stop when we feel silly, practice can’t produce the results we hope for. 

There’s also a skill in learning. We can learn how to learn. Being a newbie is something we can practice, which can give us courage for the next thing we take on. Growing includes being willing to keep learning. The more things we learn, the easier it is to start as a beginner yet again. In my case, a few years ago I started running. Then I started working with weights at the gym and joining group classes. Then I started learning a new language. Now I consider what kind of things I can learn and enjoy. The small steps can lead to many new and exciting possibilities. 

The small wins, the progress, and the confidence all build on each other, until we can see something new and think, “I can learn that!”

Cindy Chen lives outside of Atlanta with her husband and four children. She is a preschool teacher, a writer, and a very slow runner. She and her family serve in their local church in children’s ministry and small group.

Photo by Element5 Digital on Unsplash